When my husband and I first met, I was working part-time as a Professional Dominatrix, mostly online. Suffice it to say, he came into this relationship with full knowledge he was marrying a sexually open woman.
A little over a year ago, I decided to expand my horizons and begin writing about sex and sexuality, on top of my regular writing. We talked about it ahead of time, because that’s just what we do. I don’t need his permission, but I appreciate his input and keeping him in the loop of what my work entails.
One of the first questions he asked me was, “Will you be writing about the things we do in bed?”
Well darling, of course!
Because I’m so open and honest in my writing, and it is of a sexual nature, it’s one of the reasons I write under a pseudonym. Sure, these are my stories to tell, but they also involve other people who wouldn’t appreciate their information out in the world.
I get asked often (mostly by men) if while I’m writing, do I dress sexy. I have to chuckle, because it’s rare I dress sexy for anything other than photo shoots. I can’t imagine sitting around in lingerie, toying with myself, for hours on end each day as I create content.
It would be nice, but it doesn’t happen like that.
So, what’s it really like to live with a sex writer who also happens to be a sex worker?
1. Everything is up for discussion, and potentially the subject of an article.
Writing about sex and sexuality has definitely improved my sex life. We had a fantastic one before, but in the process of researching educational articles, watching porn (for research of course) and opening myself to my sexuality more, I realized there were a lot of things I hadn’t tried that I want to.
It’s also helped my husband to open up to more sexual possibilities he likely wouldn’t have consider in the past.
2. You’re gonna talk about sex, A LOT.
Seriously, I’ve never discussed sex so much in my life. My husband has never been in a relationship with anyone who wanted to talk about sex, beyond saying yes I want to have sex. Until he met me.
Communicating your desires is the best way to learn if they’re something your partner is interested in too. How will you know if you don’t ask?
3. It will open your mind.
One of the first pieces I wrote was about my naughty bucket list. I shared it with my husband and he in turn wrote one of his own. It was a first for both of us, to share so openly with our partner some of our most secret desires.
Though I’ve been in open and poly relationships in the past, I was still leery about sharing certain aspects of my sexuality. No longer. If I think it, I share it. And so does he.
4. You’ll want to explore more and more
One of the best aspects of being married to a sex writer, according to my husband, is my willingness to explore new things. It’s all in the name of work, right? Not really, but it has given me plenty of fodder to write about.
I doubt my husband would be so willing to let me tie him up had we not talked so extensively about it and done so much research (porn) about it.
Although I don’t sit around looking sexy all day, my mind is definitely in lingerie and hot sex mode most of the time. Being a sex writer has changed the way I look at the world, the way my husband and I communicate, and has enhanced our sex lives immensely.
Sex writing isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. But I can tell you, even reading, researching, and learning more about yourself and your sexuality can change your life.
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Demeter DeLune is a writer forged in the fires of desire. If you love reading her naughty tales of love and lust, sign up for her email list.